


Killua's X Cursed X Birthday

by lucasloverl



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Birthday, Childhood Trauma, Crying, Crying Killua Zoldyck, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Poor Killua (Hunter X Hunter), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Gon Freecs, gon feels bad for his friend, i love these two so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 01:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20788283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucasloverl/pseuds/lucasloverl
Summary: Gon is excited for his best friend's birthday but isn't aware that Killua feels exactly the opposite. Due to his upbringing, he's grown to fear his own birthday.





	Killua's X Cursed X Birthday

Killua hates his birthday. He hates it so much. Its his most hated day of the year in fact. Killua looks at the calendar; July 7th is tomorrow. He groans and turns over in his bed and tries to get back to sleep. Why does he hate his birthday? It was the day he began his assassin training.  
Training? More like torture. He was two years old then. To put a two year old through torture like that is beyond cruel. The only reason he knew it was his birthday is because Illumi off handedly mentioned it after that first day of training. Before then Killua didn’t even know what day his birthday was.  
That first day...was very hard to say the least. Killua remembers that the first day was relevantly light on the training but was still pretty painful. It doesn’t help that he cried a lot and while it seemed Illumi just ignored it at first, he must’ve been annoyed because the more Killua cried, the more painful it was.  
His later birthdays were just as hard, if not harder. His brothers tortured him extra hard on his birthday for some reason. Illumi started him on certain types of training on his birthday and both him and Milluki whipped him extra hard on those days. It was almost like they were punishing him for being born. It got to the point that Killua started to fear his birthday.  
But this time things will be different, right? This will be his first birthday with Gon, his best friend. He looks over at his sleeping friend. Gon insisted that Killua tell him when his birthday is although he’s not sure why. Killua didn’t even want to tell him but apparently wanting to know about your best friend’s birthday is “normal”.  
Gon’s birthday came and went while they were at Heaven’s Arena. It was May 5th and Gon was excited. Why? Is your birthday something to be excited about? Killua didn’t understand and because he didn’t understand, he didn’t do anything special for his friend’s birthday. He could tell Gon was disappointed but again Killua wasn’t sure why. Gon didn’t talk about it though, perhaps he could tell that Killua wasn’t sure what the “normal” thing to do regarding birthdays. Still though, seeing Gon disappointed made Killua sad. Sad and angry at himself for not knowing how to celebrate his friend's birthday.  
Maybe Gon will teach him tomorrow, teach him how to be “normal” on your birthday. Killua shakes his head and closes his eyes. He falls asleep soon after.  
…  
Gon wakes up first and as he’s rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he looks over to his sleeping friend. He smiles and quietly gets out of bed. He gets dressed and exits his room. A few days ago, Gon told his aunt about Killua’s upcoming birthday and he wanted to make an awesome breakfast for his friend. Aunt Mito suggested that they make him something together. Gon isn’t the best at cooking after all, unless of course it involves cooking over an open fire. Its hard not to pick up that particular skill when you spend most of your time in the woods but Aunt Mito thought that it would be better to make Gon’s friend a nice home cooked meal. Gon has the entire day planned which is really something considering this is Gon but that’s how much Killua means to him. After breakfast they’ll both play outside then they’ll relax under the starts, when Gon will give Killua his presents. It would be perfect.. Unfortunately for Gon, things won’t go quite that smoothly.  
After Gon and Aunt Mito finish making breakfast, Gon goes back upstairs to wake his friend. He’s sure that Killua’s still asleep. It is his birthday after all. Who doesn’t sleep in on their birthday?  
Gon excitingly opens the door and yells, “Killua! Time to get-huh?” Gon stops himself mid sentence when he sees that not only his friend is already awake, but he’s lying on the floor in the fetal position.  
“Killua?” Gon slowly walks up to his friend, concerned for him. Killua has his assassin claws out and is muttering to himself.  
“What’s my training today?. Whatever it is I’m ready Big Brother,” he mutters, as if he’s speaking to Illumi. Its almost like Killua doesn’t even know where he is. He certainly doesn’t notice Gon standing there. “I promise not to cry today no matter how much it hurts. I know how much you hate it when I cry. Or do I have a job today? Please Illumi, not….not today. I don’t want to do a job today of all days. Can it wait until tomorrow?”  
“Killua, are you ok?” Gon asks. He reaches out to put his hand on his friend’s shoulders.  
“Stop it! I don’t wanna go out on a job today! Don’t touch me!” Killua bolts up and swings his claw at Gon but he stops mid swing upon seeing the boy’s big brown eyes. It snaps him back to reality and he just stares at Gon with fear in his eyes. He starts tearing up and retracts his claws. He can’t believe it; he attacked his best friend! He thought he was home and he was attacking Illumi.  
“G-Gon?” he asks.  
“What’s wrong Killua?” Gon asks, not bothered at all by the fact that his best friend accidentally attacked him.  
“Oh my god did I-?” Killua collapses and starts crying. “Did I really attack you? I’m so sorry Gon!” he cries out.  
Gon kneels down and puts his arm around his friend. “Its ok Killua.”  
“No its not!” he yells. “I thought you were…I thought you were my brother!”  
“Don’t worry,” Gon reassures him. “He won’t hurt you out here.”  
Killua looks up at the black haired boy. “S-Sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry Killua. What happened? Did you have a bad dream?”  
“S-Something like that,” Killua answers.  
“Oh,” Gon says. He’s not quite sure what else to say at the moment except, “Um...well Aunt Mito and I made you breakfast. Happy Birthday Killua.”  
“Birthday?” Killua looks down and continues crying. “That’s right. Today’s my….”  
“What’s wrong?” Gon asks. He’s getting more and more concerned. Crying upon being told happy birthday, its not normal. Not at all. What’s wrong with his birthday? He’s a year older now. Isn’t that exciting?  
To any normal kid, yes it would be. But Killua’s not a normal kid, far from it. “M-My birthday,” He manages to say.  
“Yea today’s your birthday; why are you crying?”  
“B-Because...” Killua’s crying gets more intense.  
Gon just watches his friend cry for a moment. Killua has always tried to hide his trauma. Sure he has plenty of fun when he’s with Gon but sometimes he just remembers his painful past. He becomes afraid that he’ll go back there one day and resume his old life as an assassin and it makes him sad. Sometimes he wakes Gon up by crying in his sleep which of course makes Gon worry for his friend. Every time he would ask about it though, Killua would be quick to either deny it or say its not a big deal and even though Gon knows he’s lying when he says that, he doesn’t press the issue.  
Nothing this bad has ever happened before though so of course Gon is confused. He’s confused and sad for his friend. He doesn’t understand. How could he though? He’s never been tortured before. He’s never been put through unspeakable things for the sake of making him a cold blooded assassin before. But no matter what, Gon wants to be there for his friend as much as he possibly can.  
Gon starts to think. Why is it that Killua is suddenly so sad? He said yes when Gon asked if it was a bad dream but he also started crying more intensely upon being told “happy birthday.” Gon thinks for a little bit longer before he comes to a conclusion.  
He gulps. That has to be it, he realizes.“Killua, did something happen on your birthday?” he asks cautiously. His birthday has to be why he’s crying now and now Gon really wants to know why. Killua doesn’t answer for a few minutes but rather he just continues to cry. Realizing that Killua needs to cry, he decides not to push anything further. He figures that Killua might want to be alone for now so Gon stands up and gets ready to go downstairs to tell Aunt Mito that they’ll be a little while when Killua grabs his arm as if to stop him.  
“Please!” he cries out, the desperation being obvious in his voice. He wants his friend to stay. He wants to be close to the only person who actually cares about him. Gon smiles and wraps his arms around the white haired boy to pull him into a hug.  
“Killua...I won’t leave. I’ll stay right here for as long as you need me.”  
“T-Thanks,” Killua sighs with relief. .  
A few more minutes pass before Killua speaks. “My birthday is when I started my training...”  
It takes Gon a moment to process this. If Killua started his training on his birthday then….oh god. He hugs the other boy tighter. “I didn’t know...”  
“I was two,” Killua elaborates. “Illumi took me into the isolation room and explained to me the family business and then...”  
...  
While Gon and Killua are talking, Aunt Mito is sitting at the table, waiting for the boys to come down for breakfast. Soon she gets a little annoyed and gets up from the table in frustration. “Oh that Gon...what is he up to?” She asks herself. “Its been 10 minutes already. The food is going to get cold.” She walks up the stairs and to Gon’s room. She’s about to knock on the door when she hears Gon talking.  
“Did he whip you?” she hears him ask.  
“Not at first,” she hears Killua reply with a pained voice. ‘What are they talking about?’ she asks herself. She continues to listen in as the boys talk.  
…  
“Milluki whipped me more,” Killua continues, “It honesty didn’t hurt nearly as much when he did it though. Actually it doesn’t even hurt at all anymore when Milluki whips me unless he tries extra hard. But when Illumi whipped me, it hurt so much I passed out from the pain a lot when I was younger. It still hurts even now.”  
“Killua...”  
Killua pauses for a moment before continuing. “It sucked a lot, especially back then. Anyways on the day my training started, at the end of the day, Illumi told me it was my birthday.”  
“Wait, you didn’t even know it was your birthday?” Gon asks.  
“Yea. My parents never told me.”  
“So that why…?”  
Killua slowly nods. “Yea.” He sighs before continuing. “But that’s not the only reason. On my third birthday, Illumi started training me to resist electricity. He shocked me over and over. It really hurt. I think...it was the first time I felt like I was gonna die.”  
Gon doesn’t say anything at first but after a moment, he speaks. “You were three?”  
Killua nods. “On my fourth birthday, Milluki was in charge of training me because Illumi was out on a job.. He whipped me pretty hard. Not as hard as Illumi though and I told him as much. I donno why I said that because that pissed him off and I knew it would. I regretted it right away because you know what he did? He took out a knife and cut me, deep.”  
“Damn...” Gon says. He did see a scar on Killua’s stomach that when they took a bath together but he didn’t ask. While it looked like it healed a long time ago, he could see a faint scar still there and Gon wondered where that scar came from. He was too scared of what the answer might have been though. Now he knows and he really doesn’t like the answer.  
“I really hated it. It hurt a lot.”  
“You must’ve been scared,” Gon says, hugging tighter.  
“I-I was. I kept wondering why they were hurting me like that. I mean while its totally obvious now that they were just trying to build up my tolerance to pain, back then I didn’t understand it. And I hated it.” Then Killua sighs again. “Then on my fifth birthday, Illumi gave me a shit ton of poison. It was the first time I was given that much poison at once.”  
“Poison?”  
“Yea. I’ve had to ingest poison since I was born but I think that was an almost lethal amount. He just left me lying on the ground. I was in so much pain, I think I felt like I was dying the whole time. Illumi didn’t give me any food at all while the poison run its course. He did give me water but I couldn’t drink it. I bet I almost died then.” Killua shakes his head before saying, “I think...there were a few times that I really wanted to die. That was probably one of those times.”  
“Killua, I wish I was there for you back then. But you know, I’m glad you didn’t die then because then we wouldn’t have met, right?”  
Killua nods.“Yea and it did help me pretty much make me immune to poison but was it worth it? I’m not sure but-” He abruptly stops talking and shakes his head. “Sorry but I don’t think I can talk about it anymore,” he says.  
Gon smiles sadly. He’s sure that’s not all of it but he knows it’ll take time for Killua to open up about everything his cruel family did to him. He just continues to hold his friend while he says, “Don’t worry Killua. You don’t have to say anymore.” He can’t help but feel guilty for pushing the subject of Killua’s birthday. If only he knew...“I’m sorry; I didn’t know you hated your birthday so much.” He mentally berates himself for being being selfish and getting upset when Killua didn’t do anything for his birthday back in May. He was actually worried that Killua just didn’t care about his birthday but he should’ve known it was because of something else. He didn’t expect this though.  
Killua looks up at Gon and notices the black haired boy also has tears in his eyes. “D-Don’t worry about it Gon. I didn’t tell you.”  
Gon lets go of his friend and clenches his fists in anger. “Your family...I hate them all,” he says. “How could they treat you like that?”  
“They said it was for my own good. To turn me into a good assassin but when I started working, I hated it so much, I wasn’t sure it was even worth it but even after I said I didn’t want to do it...they kept training me. I’m pretty sure when I killed for the first time, I had nightmares for a while. I guess I got used to it.”  
“You didn’t want to kill people.”  
Killua pauses for a second before nodding. “Yea. I didn’t like it to begin with but over time I began to grow bored of it as well. I didn’t want to kill anymore. Besides, the more I killed people, the more I saw of the outside world. The more I saw of the outside world, the more I wanted more than my boring life. I remember one day after one of my jobs, I ran into a bunch of kids who seemed to be friends. They were playing and they wanted me to play with them. But then Illumi...”  
“What did he do?”  
Killua pauses for another moment before he turns away from his friend. He sighs and manages to say, “H-He killed them. He warned me not to make friends. He said I’ll just betray any friends I make. Or that they would betray me.”  
“Killua...you know that’s not true. I won’t ditch you ever. I promise.”  
Without looking at him, Killua say, “I know you won’t but I wish I could say the same. I’m scared that one day I’ll-”  
“Killua look at me.”  
Still not looking at him, Killua replies, “I can’t.”  
“Killua, please.”  
Killua slowly turns to look at him.  
“I don’t care if you ditch me; I’ll just find you again.”  
“But why?” Killua asks.  
“Because we’re friends. Nothing is gonna change that. I don’t mind if you hurt me because I know it wouldn’t be on purpose.”  
“Yea...I’d never hurt you on purpose. But still...”  
Gon shakes his head. “But nothing. We’re friends no matter what happens.” He then pauses for a moment. “Oh hold on a sec. I have something for you.” He gets off the floor and walks over to his desk. He opens the top drawer and inside is a box that’s wrapped up in colorful paper. There’s also a ribbon on it which is tied into a bow. He picks it up and shows it to Killua. “I was gonna give this to you later but maybe it’d be better to give this to you now.” He hands his friend the box. “I know you don’t like your birthday very much but I hope I can change that.”  
“What is it?” he asks as he inspects it.  
“Its a present. This is what you are supposed to get on your birthday.”  
“What’s in it?”  
“Open it silly,” Gon says.  
Killua inspects the present some more before he shrugs and opens it. He quickly recognizes the contents as his favorite chocolate. There are a few small boxes of the chocolate inside.  
“Chocolate Robots!”  
“Happy Birthday Killua!”  
“Thanks. I love it!” Gon sees his friend excitingly open one of the boxes and is about to toss a piece of chocolate into his mouth before he stops him.  
“Oh wait. I forgot; we gotta eat breakfast.”  
“Huh? Oh seriously? One piece of chocolate isn’t gonna ruin my breakfast.”  
Gon smiles upon hearing this; it seems getting some of his favorite chocolate helped calmed him down a little. “Ok maybe one.”  
“Sweet!” Killua quickly tosses the chocolate into his mouth.  
“Now why don’t we go downstairs and eat? I’m sure Aunt Mito is getting tired of waiting.”  
Aunt Mito, who is still outside the door, smiles a little and makes her way downstairs, happy that Gon was able to cheer his friend up. She then frowns as he goes over in her head what she just heard. It sounds like Killua was abused by his family when he was younger. Child abuse, she can’t imagine what kind of monsters would do that. It must be a sore subject for him so she decides that she won’t ask. The last thing she wants to do is make Gon’s friend cry.  
“I hope you like it; Aunt Mito helped me make it just for you.”  
Killua blushes a little upon hearing this. “Just for me? Hey why didn’t you tell me sooner idiot?”  
Confused, Gon says, “I did.”  
‘Shit; I didn’t hear him tell me that,’ Killua thinks. He then gets off the floor and prepares to open the door to leave. “Well come on Gon. Let’s eat!”  
“Right! Oh but first, wouldn’t you like your other present?” he asks. This causes Killua to pause in curiosity.  
“Other present?” he asks. “What’s-?” And he finds himself interrupted when Gon suddenly plants a quick kiss on the lips before pulling back. Killua blinks in confusion as he tries to process what happened. He notices that Gon’s face is a little red and he blushes himself once he realizes it, Gon just kissed him.  
“Do you like it?” Gon asks.  
“You kissed me,” Killua points out.  
“Yup!”  
“But...why?”  
Gon frowns. That wasn’t the response he hoped for. “You didn’t like it?”  
Upon seeing his friend’s reaction, Killua holds up his hands and shakes his head. “No no that’s not what I meant! It was just so sudden!”  
Upon hearing this, Gon’s face brightens up again.. “Duh that’s what makes it a present!”  
Killua touches his finger to his lips. He knows a kiss is a sign of affection. Its a sign of Gon’s affection for him. Even after all this time he still can’t believe it, someone actually likes him. Someone actually cares for him. Still though, being kissed by his best friend is kind of embarrassing.  
“See? You did like it!” Gon exclaims.  
Trying to play it cool to help stave off his embarrassment, Killua replies by looking away and saying, “Well, I didn’t _not_ like it.”__  
Gon smiles widely before reaching in and giving his friend another kiss on the lips. This time though Killua returns the kiss while he tries not to die of embarrassment.  
‘Gon,’ he thinks, ‘thank you. Thank you for caring about me. You have no idea how much I appreciate it, how much I appreciate you. ’  
Killua’s first birthday with Gon is shaping up to be fantastic.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone liked it. I hope its not too OOC but I wanted to show just how much Killua's obviously hurting from his past trauma. Comments will be appreciated.


End file.
